I thought I'd lost my login info, but I am a good detective and found it again. I have had a hideous half-year and am only now getting my feet back under me. Misery and psychiatric medicines brought me up to an obscene weight this summer. I have to take the medication for now, but I can control my eating. I'm going to bed tonight full of gak and will awaken to CRON.
Amen.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Still still here
reading everyone's blogs and all that.
It's been a hard week. Still kind of ill. My bro is back home from the hospital. He has a heart issue. I wish the fam did not live so far away, so I could visit.
I've decided to give up drinking for a month or two for various reasons. We'll see how that goes. It will certainly keep the calories down!
Weight not going anywhere although I do seem to be getting a bit smaller. Boyfriend noticed that my pants were hanging lower. He's a little dubious about this CRON thing. I think when I stop getting sick every three weeks he'll understand.
Today was a weird day, lots of naps... Big bran muffin, some pineapple, some swiss cheese, big bowl of yogurt w/some granola, diet coke. I would like to eat something solid for dinner. I think I will just steam a bunch of kale. I need to enter all this stuff in the COM. It can be difficult to input some foods, like a random muffin from a bakery. So I do things like "Okay I just ate this bran muffin. Bran muffin, bran muffin, where's the bran muffin entry? What in hell is a toaster muffin? Oh well it says bran and raisin. This bran and raisin muffin was pretty big. I guess a toaster muffin is really small. Probably. Maybe I will put in 3.5 toaster muffins. *click* Oh wait, I gave boyfriend a big chunk of my muffin. 3 toaster muffins?"
It is also really easy to get slack about measuring things. I think I over-estimate a bit rather than underestimate but it's still not ideal. I'll be all groggy and just glop stuff together and then have to figure out what exactly I ate. It's not as satisfying eating that way as taking the time to make a nice small meal.
And I still don't like eggwhites.
But I am slowly getting better.
It's been a hard week. Still kind of ill. My bro is back home from the hospital. He has a heart issue. I wish the fam did not live so far away, so I could visit.
I've decided to give up drinking for a month or two for various reasons. We'll see how that goes. It will certainly keep the calories down!
Weight not going anywhere although I do seem to be getting a bit smaller. Boyfriend noticed that my pants were hanging lower. He's a little dubious about this CRON thing. I think when I stop getting sick every three weeks he'll understand.
Today was a weird day, lots of naps... Big bran muffin, some pineapple, some swiss cheese, big bowl of yogurt w/some granola, diet coke. I would like to eat something solid for dinner. I think I will just steam a bunch of kale. I need to enter all this stuff in the COM. It can be difficult to input some foods, like a random muffin from a bakery. So I do things like "Okay I just ate this bran muffin. Bran muffin, bran muffin, where's the bran muffin entry? What in hell is a toaster muffin? Oh well it says bran and raisin. This bran and raisin muffin was pretty big. I guess a toaster muffin is really small. Probably. Maybe I will put in 3.5 toaster muffins. *click* Oh wait, I gave boyfriend a big chunk of my muffin. 3 toaster muffins?"
It is also really easy to get slack about measuring things. I think I over-estimate a bit rather than underestimate but it's still not ideal. I'll be all groggy and just glop stuff together and then have to figure out what exactly I ate. It's not as satisfying eating that way as taking the time to make a nice small meal.
And I still don't like eggwhites.
But I am slowly getting better.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
I am back!
Okay, so I was sick all week and ate pretty crapily, but not as badly as I used to on a "good" day before CRON.
I love the CoM. It is very nifty, and it can squeeze nutrition out of the crappiest food I put into it.
There was ice cream and wheat thins and Pirate Booty.
Today has been calmer. Lots of herbal tea. Some diet coke. I'm going to have a big salad lunch as I slept in too late for breakfast. I have a huge bunch of kale at home for tonight.
My little brother (21) is very ill and in the hospital. Good thoughts, prayers, etc, appreciated.
I love the CoM. It is very nifty, and it can squeeze nutrition out of the crappiest food I put into it.
There was ice cream and wheat thins and Pirate Booty.
Today has been calmer. Lots of herbal tea. Some diet coke. I'm going to have a big salad lunch as I slept in too late for breakfast. I have a huge bunch of kale at home for tonight.
My little brother (21) is very ill and in the hospital. Good thoughts, prayers, etc, appreciated.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Fast. Ha. Ha ha. Ha.
Okay, so that didn't work.
I am not CoMing today. I am just out for the day. I am having a screwed up emotional time. I need to think about the interface of nutrition, CRON, mental illness and psych drugs. I'm a PTSD person and the past three days have been full of panic attacks and crying jags. I could really use some of that CRON zen.
I do not seem to be losing any weight, BUT.
I have these pants. They were my first "fat pants" and I lamented much over their buying. I lamented even more their passing, when I could no longer pull them over my butt.
AND now I can pull them up and button them. They are not very becoming, or comfortable, but THEY GO ON MY ASS.
So this is good. Not good:
Food:
About a handful of trail mix with cranberries, almonds and cashews.
2 cups of tea with milk and sugar.
5 little cookies of some kind of meringue type at church.
4 fig newtons (see church)
2 100 calorie pudding cups.
2 squares of dark chocolate.
Oh yeah, depression eating.
For dinner I think I will eat a 1/2 cup of brown rice with this tomato concoction with black beans and corn. I put the recipe into CoM and it's pretty good on nutrition and stuff but I'm too disgruntled to deal with it. Tomorrow I will try April's detox diet.
I am not CoMing today. I am just out for the day. I am having a screwed up emotional time. I need to think about the interface of nutrition, CRON, mental illness and psych drugs. I'm a PTSD person and the past three days have been full of panic attacks and crying jags. I could really use some of that CRON zen.
I do not seem to be losing any weight, BUT.
I have these pants. They were my first "fat pants" and I lamented much over their buying. I lamented even more their passing, when I could no longer pull them over my butt.
AND now I can pull them up and button them. They are not very becoming, or comfortable, but THEY GO ON MY ASS.
So this is good. Not good:
Food:
About a handful of trail mix with cranberries, almonds and cashews.
2 cups of tea with milk and sugar.
5 little cookies of some kind of meringue type at church.
4 fig newtons (see church)
2 100 calorie pudding cups.
2 squares of dark chocolate.
Oh yeah, depression eating.
For dinner I think I will eat a 1/2 cup of brown rice with this tomato concoction with black beans and corn. I put the recipe into CoM and it's pretty good on nutrition and stuff but I'm too disgruntled to deal with it. Tomorrow I will try April's detox diet.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
On the weekend my calories shall arrive in the form of booze.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done.
Okay, maybe not always.
This morning was a good CRON morning. I made a big breakfast for the 155 6'3 boyfriend of mine. (grr) and for myself made my effwhites (hahah that was a Freudian slip, I will let it slide.) with a tiny bit of lox and pepper and some yogurt. I do not love eggwhites. I think it is because I microwave them because otherwise they make a huge mess in the pan. In fact, eating an average of like 4 eggs or egg parts a day for protein is getting to be a little too much for me. But, power on.
So, for a change up, instead of nutrition report, here's what I ate, and calories, in roughly meal order:
Breakfast:
Egg Beaters 0.75 cup 90.0
Fish, salmon, chinook, smoked, (lox), regular 0.25 oz 8.3
Yogurt, fruit, low fat, 10 grams protein per 8 ounce 1 1/2 container (4 oz) 115.3
Snack 1
Yogurt, fruit, low fat, 10 grams protein per 8 ounce 1 1/2 container (4 oz) 115.3
Barbara shredded oats 0.25 Serving 80.6
Nuts, almonds 15 almond 104.0
(Boyfriend bought me a latte with sugar in it. Sweet of him, but argh, sugar!)
Milk, nonfat, fluid, without added vitamin A (fat free or skim) (in latte) 1 cup 85.8
Sugars, granulated 3 serving packet 32.5
Then we went to a friend's house for dinner and all hell broke loose. I ate the delicious sourdough bread! And the cheese! But I did say no to the ice cream!
Snack 2:
Cheese, low fat, cheddar or colby 2 oz 98.1
Bread, wheat, toasted 2 slice 150.2
Grapes, american type (slip skin), raw 30 grape 48.2
Dinner:
Soup, chicken broth or bouillon, dehydrated, prepared with water 1 cup (8 fl oz) 22.0
Quinoa 0.25 cup 159.0
Carrots, raw 1 large (7-1/4" to 8-/1/2" long) 29.5
Sweet potato, cooked, baked in skin, without salt 1 cup 180.0
Tiny bit of tofu, like 1 tbsp? No idea how many calories.
Alcoholic Beverage, wine, table, red, Syrah 2 serving 5 fl oz 247.0
Alcoholic beverage, beer, regular, all 12 fl oz 153.3
For a grand total of way too many fucking calories. (1732.9) Sigh.
I think I may fast tomorrow to detox a bit and even out my averages.
Okay, maybe not always.
This morning was a good CRON morning. I made a big breakfast for the 155 6'3 boyfriend of mine. (grr) and for myself made my effwhites (hahah that was a Freudian slip, I will let it slide.) with a tiny bit of lox and pepper and some yogurt. I do not love eggwhites. I think it is because I microwave them because otherwise they make a huge mess in the pan. In fact, eating an average of like 4 eggs or egg parts a day for protein is getting to be a little too much for me. But, power on.
So, for a change up, instead of nutrition report, here's what I ate, and calories, in roughly meal order:
Breakfast:
Egg Beaters 0.75 cup 90.0
Fish, salmon, chinook, smoked, (lox), regular 0.25 oz 8.3
Yogurt, fruit, low fat, 10 grams protein per 8 ounce 1 1/2 container (4 oz) 115.3
Snack 1
Yogurt, fruit, low fat, 10 grams protein per 8 ounce 1 1/2 container (4 oz) 115.3
Barbara shredded oats 0.25 Serving 80.6
Nuts, almonds 15 almond 104.0
(Boyfriend bought me a latte with sugar in it. Sweet of him, but argh, sugar!)
Milk, nonfat, fluid, without added vitamin A (fat free or skim) (in latte) 1 cup 85.8
Sugars, granulated 3 serving packet 32.5
Then we went to a friend's house for dinner and all hell broke loose. I ate the delicious sourdough bread! And the cheese! But I did say no to the ice cream!
Snack 2:
Cheese, low fat, cheddar or colby 2 oz 98.1
Bread, wheat, toasted 2 slice 150.2
Grapes, american type (slip skin), raw 30 grape 48.2
Dinner:
Soup, chicken broth or bouillon, dehydrated, prepared with water 1 cup (8 fl oz) 22.0
Quinoa 0.25 cup 159.0
Carrots, raw 1 large (7-1/4" to 8-/1/2" long) 29.5
Sweet potato, cooked, baked in skin, without salt 1 cup 180.0
Tiny bit of tofu, like 1 tbsp? No idea how many calories.
Alcoholic Beverage, wine, table, red, Syrah 2 serving 5 fl oz 247.0
Alcoholic beverage, beer, regular, all 12 fl oz 153.3
For a grand total of way too many fucking calories. (1732.9) Sigh.
I think I may fast tomorrow to detox a bit and even out my averages.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Low
I'm kind of having a terrible week. I am waiting anxiously for some important news that will decide my fate in for the next umpteen years and I'm going through a psych meds change and today I am feeling so sad for no apparent reason that eating has been a chore. I succumbed to carby cereal in the morning because I really wanted it, for about 220 calories. I had 1.4 cup 2% milk with. Then I ate a little low-fat yogurt, and then a 100 calorie pudding cup.
Then I had a skim latte and because I friend was taking me out for coffee, I had a few bites of rice crispy treat.
So I think I am at about 800 with crap nutrition and I just don't have it in me to eat anymore.
Maybe it will make up for previous high days and it will all even out. If I don't drink or eat anything else tonight, my 5 day general averages will be:
General (92%)
Energy 1402.6 kcal 108%
Protein 69.4 g 71%
Carbs 176.2 g 114%
Fiber 26.0 g 104%
Fat 42.5 g 99%
Water 2229.4 g 83%
And over 100 in most nutrients. Slackers:
B1 89%
B3 80%
D 7%
E 61 %
Iron 60%
Potassium 77 %
Saturated fat 47%
Omega 6 57% (vs 148 % O3)
Cholesterol: 72%
Not shabby for my first 5 days of official CRON, I think. Although I think I see some beer or wine in my future this evening.
PS: I ended up making my precious haddock for a starving non CR boyfriend. I made a honey-lemon almond glaze and cooked the fish up in that. I just tasted it, so I don't know how many calories it was, but HOLY FLYING CROW it was tasty. I also had some gin and a beer. It's been one of those nights. I'm still way under target, though. I just wish I could stop feeling so damn bad.
Then I had a skim latte and because I friend was taking me out for coffee, I had a few bites of rice crispy treat.
So I think I am at about 800 with crap nutrition and I just don't have it in me to eat anymore.
Maybe it will make up for previous high days and it will all even out. If I don't drink or eat anything else tonight, my 5 day general averages will be:
General (92%)
Energy 1402.6 kcal 108%
Protein 69.4 g 71%
Carbs 176.2 g 114%
Fiber 26.0 g 104%
Fat 42.5 g 99%
Water 2229.4 g 83%
And over 100 in most nutrients. Slackers:
B1 89%
B3 80%
D 7%
E 61 %
Iron 60%
Potassium 77 %
Saturated fat 47%
Omega 6 57% (vs 148 % O3)
Cholesterol: 72%
Not shabby for my first 5 days of official CRON, I think. Although I think I see some beer or wine in my future this evening.
PS: I ended up making my precious haddock for a starving non CR boyfriend. I made a honey-lemon almond glaze and cooked the fish up in that. I just tasted it, so I don't know how many calories it was, but HOLY FLYING CROW it was tasty. I also had some gin and a beer. It's been one of those nights. I'm still way under target, though. I just wish I could stop feeling so damn bad.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Delicious Beer
I don't think I had that good of a day. I started off strong with a cup of egg whites and 2 oz of of smoked salmon. Lots of good protein and fat. I wasn't feeling that well, so I ended up calling in to work and sleeping. I ate an apple, a small low-fat yogurt, and went back to sleep again. Around 2pm, a roommate came home. She was having a crisis, and I made her some yuck Swiss Miss hot chocolate to calm her down. Of course I ended up drinking a cup myself. Blah. 120 calories of fake chocolate. Blah.
Later in the afternoon I got a small skim latte again, the only way I'll get skim milk down me. And I asked for just one squirt of sugar-free vanilla and it worked! Thanks for the tip, E!
So whatever, no big deal, journey on.
Dinner was a big salad.
100 g kale
85 g carrots
3 tbsp hummus
1/2 avocado
1 smashed small baked sweet potato
lemon juice
1 oz low-fat cheddar cheese.
I know that sounds weird, but it was what I had around to aim for RDAs for. For some reason I found the raw kale harder to get down today, but I did get it down.
I could have ended the day at 1200, actually, and not been hungry, but then the beer attacked me. And I drank lots of it. So the day ends:
General (86%)
Energy 1545.2 kcal 119%
Protein 71.4 g 73%
Carbs 195.9 g 126%
Fiber 20.7 g 83%
Fat 26.4 g 61%
Water 3016.5 g 112%
Vitamins (82%)
Vitamin A 44995.9 IU 1929%
Folate 301.9 µg 75%
B1 (Thiamine) 1.0 mg 88%
B2 (Riboflavin) 2.1 mg 195%
B3 (Niacin) 13.3 mg 95%
B5 (Pantothenic Acid) 11.5 mg 229%
B6 (Pyridoxine) 1.8 mg 139%
B12 (Cyanocobalamin) 4.4 µg 183%
Vitamin C 179.1 mg 239%
Vitamin D 0.0 IU 0%
Vitamin E 3.2 mg 21%
Vitamin K 847.9 µg 942%
Minerals (94%)
Calcium 1054.1 mg 105%
Copper 1.4 mg 159%
Iron 12.2 mg 68%
Magnesium 282.6 mg 91%
Manganese 2.5 mg 136%
Phosphorus 1319.3 mg 188%
Potassium 3702.4 mg 79%
Selenium 104.9 µg 191%
Sodium 2547.6 mg 170%
Zinc 8.4 mg 105%
Lipids (33%)
Saturated 8.1 g 40%
Omega-3 0.7 g 64%
Omega-6 1.8 g 17%
Cholesterol 28.4 mg 9%
I don't know why I am feeling depressed about today. I know April counseled me not to go much under 1650, and even with my beer and chocolate badness I am still under that, and my nutrients aren't even all that bad. Are all those numbers up there boring? I don't think I will post them forever. Just while I am learning. It is hard for me to accept 1545 calories as "restricted." I really do not know how many calories I was consuming before. I assume more, as I was eating mac&cheese and heaping servings of chinese food and 3 slices of pizza on a regular basis.
I am SO broken out all over my face right now. It's a little frightening.
Reading April's early blog is heartening in many ways, watching her learn and grow like I hope to do.
But I also feel imprisioned in this big fat body and long for the lightness and energy other CR practitioners speak of. I feel like a whale among butterflies.
Time, Time, Time.
Later in the afternoon I got a small skim latte again, the only way I'll get skim milk down me. And I asked for just one squirt of sugar-free vanilla and it worked! Thanks for the tip, E!
So whatever, no big deal, journey on.
Dinner was a big salad.
100 g kale
85 g carrots
3 tbsp hummus
1/2 avocado
1 smashed small baked sweet potato
lemon juice
1 oz low-fat cheddar cheese.
I know that sounds weird, but it was what I had around to aim for RDAs for. For some reason I found the raw kale harder to get down today, but I did get it down.
I could have ended the day at 1200, actually, and not been hungry, but then the beer attacked me. And I drank lots of it. So the day ends:
General (86%)
Energy 1545.2 kcal 119%
Protein 71.4 g 73%
Carbs 195.9 g 126%
Fiber 20.7 g 83%
Fat 26.4 g 61%
Water 3016.5 g 112%
Vitamins (82%)
Vitamin A 44995.9 IU 1929%
Folate 301.9 µg 75%
B1 (Thiamine) 1.0 mg 88%
B2 (Riboflavin) 2.1 mg 195%
B3 (Niacin) 13.3 mg 95%
B5 (Pantothenic Acid) 11.5 mg 229%
B6 (Pyridoxine) 1.8 mg 139%
B12 (Cyanocobalamin) 4.4 µg 183%
Vitamin C 179.1 mg 239%
Vitamin D 0.0 IU 0%
Vitamin E 3.2 mg 21%
Vitamin K 847.9 µg 942%
Minerals (94%)
Calcium 1054.1 mg 105%
Copper 1.4 mg 159%
Iron 12.2 mg 68%
Magnesium 282.6 mg 91%
Manganese 2.5 mg 136%
Phosphorus 1319.3 mg 188%
Potassium 3702.4 mg 79%
Selenium 104.9 µg 191%
Sodium 2547.6 mg 170%
Zinc 8.4 mg 105%
Lipids (33%)
Saturated 8.1 g 40%
Omega-3 0.7 g 64%
Omega-6 1.8 g 17%
Cholesterol 28.4 mg 9%
I don't know why I am feeling depressed about today. I know April counseled me not to go much under 1650, and even with my beer and chocolate badness I am still under that, and my nutrients aren't even all that bad. Are all those numbers up there boring? I don't think I will post them forever. Just while I am learning. It is hard for me to accept 1545 calories as "restricted." I really do not know how many calories I was consuming before. I assume more, as I was eating mac&cheese and heaping servings of chinese food and 3 slices of pizza on a regular basis.
I am SO broken out all over my face right now. It's a little frightening.
Reading April's early blog is heartening in many ways, watching her learn and grow like I hope to do.
But I also feel imprisioned in this big fat body and long for the lightness and energy other CR practitioners speak of. I feel like a whale among butterflies.
Time, Time, Time.
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